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[Dec. 12th, 2007|11:04 am] |
Wow, it's been over a year and a half since I updated here.
Well we are living in Albuquerque New Mexico now, I'm back home! I feel really at peace. Cassius is five and is an awesome Montessori school. Zack will be 18 soon after the new year, and is starting college this spring to do what he loves, which is work with metal and weld.
Angel likes it here, but I think he feels a bit like I did in California, like he isn't quite home. That of course is a feeling I can't understand because I have a lifetime's worth of history here. But he has friends and hobbies, and a decent job at the VA hospital.
I'm busy as ever trying to find ways to make money, always the entrepreneur! I've got my ebay store up and running, and have been learning all the ins and out of internet marketing. There really is a fortune to be made!
For any of you who like to shop online and like to make money, you seriously have to check this out. It's a completely free business that has to do with people getting their own online shopping malls and making money by shopping: www.mayyourdreamscometrue.com. There really is the potential with this to eventually be making a good monthly income.
In other news, we're trying to have a baby! Well, I'm really hoping ot have twins. Crazy I know, but I figure this is the last time I'll be doing this, might as well get the most out of it! Plus, I've always thought it'd be so cool to have twins. So I've been eating a lot of yams and wild yam extract, there's a tribe in Africa that has the highest rate of twins, and they eat a lot of yams. There is natural progesterone in yams, so I'm thinking that might be it.
I hope all my lj friends are doing well! |
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| We're moving to New Mexico |
[May. 11th, 2006|08:33 am] |
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We're finally moving outta here! I feel like I'm going back home! All my family is in New Mexico, it's just so different there, so this is going to be a complete change of reality. The music scene is much more happening so I'm sure I can find a cool band to join, we'll have help with Cassius and he'll get to grow up around his cousins, Zack will be near, or living with, his dad, and Angel won't have to work at his shit job anymore. Plus it's so beautiful there, and we'll be able to get a nice house because houses are cheaper! It'll probably still be a few months, we have to sell this house and wrap up everything here. I can't wait! For those of you who live up here, we're having a moving sale 5/19-5/21. The address is 9625 Cerra Vista in Apple Valley... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2006|09:03 am] |
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Ok, those who live up here, have you ever seen it this windy??!! It's kinda spooky, but exciting! I'd hate to be out in it though... |
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| Finally! |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|09:12 am] |
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I finally made this stuffed chair for Cassius, I've had the pattern and all the bags of stuffing (around 15 bags) for over a year. I found some cool fabric, the star wars is a soft flannel and is bright red and black, not washed out like my camera likes to do to reds. The red fabric is this soft chenille type fur. It's been hanging over my head to make it for so long, now I can move on! Here's a pic, more behind the cut... 
( Read more... ) |
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) inayah_az made me do it... |
[Aug. 26th, 2005|10:50 pm] |
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1. Go into your LJ’s archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag 5 people on your friend list.
"Then he never did anything, the lady said that we are supposed to make a platform for Hoadie to stand on, and help him mount the horses, but Angel never did that."
Tagged:
ruby_roxx
dark_inamorata
rawks0me0rama
xtradone annamaryse |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2005|09:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
Today is Zachary's birthday, he's 15! He loves sushi, so I'm going to see if I can find sushi grade fish, and make it myself. Plus a chocolate cake, of course! He wanted a weight bench, so that's what we got him, plus cd's (he's now into hardcore metal, he favorite band is Cradle of Filth, and now In Flames, Leah turned him onto a bunch of new music) and Korn t-shirts and motocross pants. He's officially homeschooling as of last week. It took this long to get into this school, so he'd still been going to his high school. He's doing good, I'm super impressed that he's doing his school work with no prompting.
Cassius is finally talking more, though a lot of it I still can't understand. I'm going through the process of getting his speech tested, just to be sure, but I'm not as worried anymore. I finally joined a parent/tot group, so he can socialize. This is really the first time he's played with kids, other than his cousin in New Mexico. He doesn't have a shy bone in his body, he doesn't hang back with me like some of the kids, he just barges in and takes over the room! If he's played with a toy, he thinks it's his now, so gets agitated when someone else starts to play with it. And for group time, he didn't want to sit and do what everyone else was doing. In other words, if he was in kindergarten now, he'd be one of THOSE kids! Anyway, this will be good for both of us.
Leah came up from LA last weekend, and we played music together for the first time in maybe four years. We played her songs, I've been learning them and they are very challenging, but I've really been putting a lot of energy into my drumming, I think I'm getting somewhere with it. I'd love to have a little extra money so that I could rent a room in LA so that I could go there a few days a week and be in a band.
Oh yeah, and I'm quitting coffee, for good this time! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|01:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I suck as a housewife. I just don't think I'm cut out for it. Sometimes I wish that my only life was kids/housework/husband. Wake up, look forward to a full day of tending to the house and the people in it, go to bed happy. Surely everything would get done if that's all I had to do. But all that stuff just gets in the way. Who I really am is an artist. What I really need to do is get rich so that I can hire someone to do all that stuff... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|10:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
I've been feeling overwhelmed, anxious and depressed again. My list of things I have to do everyday does work, I mostly am able to do most of them everyday, but still nothing is ever done. Since I've been sick, the house is out of control, and now I'm inspired to add on all kinds of projects, like I've been working in the yard, I planted grass yesterday. I want to thoroughly clean the garage, which in the four years we've lived here has never ever been clean and organized. I want to hang the framed pictures in the hall like I've been meaning to do for years. I want to organize my huge box of jumbled fabric into categories so I can find what I'm looking for. Once I start doing that, I'll find all kinds of things I want to sew, and I'll feel even more overwhelmed. How can I do any of these things if my house is thrashed? But if I clean the shit out of my house, I might not be inspired to do all that other stuff anymore. It's like I'm always living in the future, working towards an elusive goal which I can never ever reach, because something else pops up which has to get done. So I feel overwhelmed so I veg in front of this damn computer wasting away all those hours I could be using to get the stuff done that would help me feel less overwhelmed. I curse the internet, yet what would my life be without it! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|10:35 am] |
Update of the Zachary situation: since this all happened and he's been being punished, he's turned into the sweetest, most helpful child that I think he's ever been. All kinds of yard work being done without asking, last night I asked him to load the dishwasher and he did so without a fuss. Normally I simply don't ask him, because he'll put up such a stink. He is admittedly kissing my ass, but that's fine. Now that I see the difference between this and the kid who was developing a major attitude, there's no way I'll let him go back to that. We've been having so many open talks about drugs and his future. My goal is to associate experimenting with drugs with all this that has been taken away from him, and I think it's working. I keep asking him if he's learned his lesson, and last night he said there's no way he's going through this again. And then he said I'm scary! Yaye! You know, I've threatened so many times to take him out of school, I don't think he ever thought I'd really do it (maybe I didn't either), I think he's surprised and humbled. He actually has to go back to school for a bit, as today his suspension is up, and at Excelsior he's on a waiting list. But I've arranged with the librarian at school that he has to check in there at lunch time and stay until the bell rings.
I'm finally starting to feel well. The first half of January I had an ear infection, and the second half I had a bad cough. I took Cassius to the doctor since he had the exact same cough, and he said that because of the amount of time having a cough, and because Cassius coughs to the point of throwing up, it's more like an asthma cough, resulting from the cold. He gave Cassius steroids and albuterol syrup. The steroids made me nervous, so I lessened and shortened his dose. I've been taking the albuterol when I have coughing fits, and it works. This does feel like asthma, which is weird. Cassius is pretty much all better. I haven't been able to exercise for two weeks... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2005|10:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
I hate it when Angel makes me cry... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|10:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
Cassius is basically potty training himself. Last night I let him run around in little cotton training pants, and he peed in the potty four times! Tonight again he was going a bunch, and then on his own he went and took his underwear off and went poo for the very first time in there! I think it's going to be easy with him because he's so into being socially correct. He copies everything, and also wants to do everything by himself. He now won't let me brush his teeth, he wants to do it. And his latest thing is saying thank you, which he says for every little thing. When we're out he thanks people for holding the door for us, it's so cute! Today he's 26 months... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2005|03:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
I finally found a way to manage my time and my anxiety over not getting things done. I made a list of the important things I like to feel I'm putting my time and energy into, and this is the list, in no particular order: play with Cassius; hang out with Zack and Angel; clean the house; sew; practice drums; exercise. These are the things I work on throughout the week, but the way I've been doing it is so haphazard and anxiety making. I'll obsess over one thing, like all I'll do for a few days is ebay stuff, then I'll freak out because the house is a mess and I'll spend a few days on the house. I always have this idea that EVERYTHING that ever needs to be done needs to be FINISHED by the end of each day. So with this list, which is now on my fridge, all I need to worry about is that I do at least a little of each every day. Little bits of things slowly add up to alot. This is SO much more manageable in my mind. Even if I'm having a bad day, I can AT LEAST do a load of dishes, sew a button on something, do a few stretches, take a few pictures of stuff for auctions, play the drums for 10 minutes, and hang out with everyone in a veggie way, and I'll have accomplished everything on my list! Before, a day like this would depress me, because "not a lot got done". But these little steps will get me farther down the path in the larger picture...
I finally saw the movie "Monster", which I've wanted to see for so long, but it's one of those movies that no one else here would want to see, so I had to wait for the right time. It was so fricken intense! Most movies I can only stand to see once, but this is the type I could see over and over because it's an intense character study, my favorite kind of movie. I just love watching all the facial expressions and human relating and interaction and all that. Charlize Theron did the most amazing job with this character, I don't think I've ever seen better acting in my life. She wasn't just acting out a story line with some character that she could develop in her own mind, she had to become this person who already existed, and pull it off perfectly, or the movie just wouldn't have worked. Simply amazing. Have you all seen it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2004|12:50 pm] |
We just got back from New Mexico last night. I only had dial-up available to me while there, so I didn't even attempt lj, so have been catching up now. My best friend Leah and I (and Cassius and her dog) rented a car and did the 12 hour trip in one day, me doing all the driving, her doing all the reaching back baby dealing. Cassius did VERY well with the long trip, and it's so good to be home!
I had some realizations while away from home, I always get a fresh perspective when I'm away. I'm thinking now that I don't want to move back to New Mexico in a few years. I think it would feel like going backwards in my life instead of forwards, I'd be going back to where I once had a life, now with a husband and new baby, but still, there's not much going on there. It would probably mean goodbye to any hopes of being a successfull drummer. I also think I long to kinda be in this self-medicated stupor with my sisters and my mom. When I go visit, it's all about visiting and shopping and eating and movie watching. I have this idea that if I live there, whenever I'm bored or lonely this will all go on. But the reality is I usually visit when people are on vacation, if I lived there, it'd be normal life, everyone busy and working. I think I want to move closer to L.A. instead, let's see if it doesn't fall into the ocean in the next few years, with all that's happening in the world right now (kinda kidding, kinda not).
Next realization: at my last drum lesson, which I'm quitting because I can't afford it, and I'm just in such a rut, my teacher gave me a great compliment, and said that he really believes I have great hands and great technique, and that if I devoted a good year to it, he thinks I'd master the chops that I want to have. So I think what I need right now is to not be in a band, and to start some heavy daily practice. When I'm in a band, I don't work on anything else, and I'm lulled into the illusion that I'm progressing as a drummer, because I'm "doing" something. I need to take this year off and really focus on progressing. But then I say, well this little project is just for fun, maybe I'll get something out of it, I may keep doing it on the side, so long as it doesn't take much time from serious study. I've been struggling with the question of continuing with drumming or just letting it go, and I realized that I've put so much work into it, and it doesn't have to be black or white, either go all the way with it, or don't do it at all. I can continue to master it, even if I don't ever "do" something with it, I can at least say I've mastered something, and I can always teach. So I need to get some good time organization and discipline going on here. It's so hard with Cassius, if he's asleep I'll wake him, if he's awake he'll want in the room while I practice, but it's too loud for him. When people are home to watch him, I'm busy with cooking and shopping. I need to figure out a way to do this.
Our heater is still messed up, our house is in the 50's, it's cold and rainy here, arg.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|11:40 am] |
I finally finished my corset! We had a grownup party to go to last night, so that pushed me to finish it, I worked on it all day yesterday. Off the track for a moment, at the party there was this girl that I always see at parties or when we used to play shows up here, she always ends up pretty drunk and acting silly, and doesn't ever have a designated driver. At one show I said "you're not driving, right?" and she got all hurt, wondering why everyone kept asking her that. Anyway, last night she was way gone, and she wanted to go home, and got her keys to leave. Angel and this other guy went out with her to stop here, and got her keys. I ended up out there, as well as the girl who was throwing the party, and she was pleading with her to have some sense, that she'd get her a taxi, etc. Miss Drunk just kept saying that she only had three miles to go, and she was seriously pissing me off. I almost got in a fight with her, I just started yelling at her about how my favorite uncle was killed by a drunk girl, and how she's going to end up killing a kid or something, and just kept saying she only had three miles to go. Man, I was so fricking pissed off, Angel had to take me away from there.
Back to the corset, here's one picture, and more behind the cut... ( Read more... )
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 16th, 2004|11:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
So, Zack officially has his first real "girlfriend", whatever that means to a 14 year old. He asked me last night if he's allowed to "go out" with a girl (you gotta love the asking bit!), and I grilled him for awhile, trying to find out what "going out" means to him, what does he think it means to her, and telling him the limits I'm putting on it. Basically, he can never be alone with her. She's 16, goes on his bus but not to his school, and lives up the road. She's not allowed to leave her yard. So basically it sounds like it will be "going out on the bus". I guess she asked her friend to tell Zack that she wanted him to ask her to "go out". I understand now that going out to them means basically "going steady", not going out on a date. I've already told him that when he gets to dating age, there will only be group dating allowed. Basically, I'm putting all the limits on him that my parents never put on me, which led me to being a bad girl. I want Zack to be a good boy, and treat girls as if they are good girls. When I was 16, I had a 14 year old boyfriend, my neighbor, and we never told our parents, his parents worked so after school we'd hang out at his house alone. Or we'd go for long walks alone down dirt roads. Not a good mix for horny teenagers. Not gonna happen. Were our parents really that stupid and naive? Anyway, I'm glad I've always had certain things in place with him, the big one being that he's never been allowed to have friends over if he was home alone. He's just so used to that, he knows it's taboo, so I know he won't be trying to get her over here alone, plus I'm usually here when he gets home anyway. I'm really happy that he asked my permission, he is a good boy.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2004|12:50 am] |
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I'm so proud of my little Cassius, he's made a breakthrough with his speech today! I've been so worried about his speech, he's over two and still only speaks in single words, much of it with his own pronounciation. I've had him try to copy words, or sections of words, and he would just keep repeating it the way he says it. Today, I was able to get him to correct his pronunciation on some words by breaking them down and having him repeat the little section correctly, and he got it! Then I was able to help him combine the sections. Now I'm no longer worried, because now he seems able to copy me, and if he can do that, then I can teach him any word! Ahhhh...big sigh of relief..... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|11:18 am] |
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I've been making these long fingerless gloves/arm warmers alot lately for my ebay business, and I thought I'd offer them to my lj friends, as I think they are fun and would make great Xmas gifts. I can make them out of any kind of stretchy fabric, so think velvets, laces, cottons, animal prints, stripes, etc., and I can also make custom sizes. They generally come all the way up the upper arm, though they look cool at a length just above the elbow, as well. For you all, they are $10, which includes shipping withing the U.S. (outide of the U.S. would be $12 total). I do have an assortment of fabrics right now and can post sample pics if people are interested, but can also do my best to find a desired fabric if I don't have what you want. I put a picture of some gloves that I have made behind a cut, enjoy! ( Read more... ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|09:59 am] |
We have this calculator with a lid, which is snapped onto the back so that the buttons show, and Cassius grabbed this credit card sitting in front of me, and is "swiping" the card through the crack between the lid and the calculator! It does look like one of those credit card machines...
This house is freezing, and our heater won't come on for some reason. We're not out of propane, and the thermostat clicks, but it doesn't come on. It's like 58 degrees in here, arghh.... |
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